Lotus

To taste the air beside the river
I pick the soundtrack with immaculate care
Such a lot rests upon it
My life upon a song
You don't know how much I need
Musician, please take heed!
I thought I might just write a letter
Anything to stay away
From books and lessons today
Besides it's part of my induction
Into the literate world
I am a literate girl
I string the words together softly
I lay my love upon you with each line
A gift of improvising
Removes me from revising
I made a daisy chain from
Phrase, verse, and punctuation......*

These are the words I hum along. You knew this was me. But you never loved that!
What you made pass for admiration was envy.
Everything was always conditioned and reeked of emotional blackmail.
You wanted the butterfly to pass unnoticed in the garden of flowers!
You wanted me all to yourself, so you could make me small.
You always tried to change me; when you didn't, you were trying to change the feeling.
That pure feeling of awe and desire because you didn't want to only give.
You wanted to devour me! And observe my bones with satisfaction.
You were a mess, as always, a storm.
I was a Spring that never grew worn.
In my dreams I could see the moon up close!
But you pulled me down to an Earth where I was only
A flower made out of paper.




*Suart Murdoch. God Help the Girl, "Musicians, Please Take Heed!" (song)